Good gracious...it's been so long that I couldn't remember how to post

Hey ya'll. Blogarooski.

Items from my life:

• I'm currently watching Find Nemo on mute. It's the part where the California-like surfer turtle is hamming it up. Whoa. Just keep swimming.
• I currently have a significant thumb/wrist injury. Don't know what I did, just know it hurts. (and has for 2 months) I think I'll go to the doctor for that next week.
• My roommate and I are/were training for another half marathon in early May. And then we both sprained our ankles within 2 days of each other, and have been off our feet since Easter. So, we've resolved to do the best we can until then, and expect to be sucking a lot of wind come time for the race. Our longest distance so far is 9 miles...not quite long enough to comfortably pull off 13. Yipes!
• Good news: I am at 84% of a new and improved (meaning higher) budget. Yay God for providing so faithfully! He is so good to me at all times! And as a result, I absolutely love to pray for people who are fundraising, that they would see the same blessing that I have. It's really fun. (Steven-I'm praying!)
• I LOVE college ministry. Love it love it love it.
• We had a reunion last weekend for staff and students who went to Bangladesh in '06, and it was so good for my soul to reminisce (sp?) and be back there for a while. It's amazing what you forget. And who you forget. I'm so glad to be reminded. It was great timing because I'm speaking at LG on Monday on Isaiah 58, with the theme of spending yourself....I think I've fallen into hoarding myself these last months, so it is good to be reminded of the good burden that Jesus gives us that is easy and light, and that ultimately gives us rest. It's funny how it seems a burden to help the poor and/or give of ourselves, when afterward we feel as though a burden has been lifted off of us. Sometimes I think that Jesus' burden can be more like a hot-air balloon than like a heavy weight. Why can't I remember that when it's time to act, and just take His yoke everytime?

FYI, the weekend has definitely fueled a fire to go overseas again sometime soon.

• This year I have been OBsessed with Wheel of Fortune. Obsessed with a capital OB. And I'm not too shabby at it (or so I've been told by such professionals as roommates). I've even gone so far as to look up on line how you become a contestant. Haven't done more than that yet, but I may someday. My only gliche is who to stay with in LA.....
• Nemo has not yet been found. We're at the part now where creepy crazy head-gear girl is trying to take home papa clown fish. (nothing against head gear, people...I'm all for orthodontics)

sign off.

So I'm watching The Parent Trap for the second time in a week.

The old version. I like to have it on in the background while I'm working on my laptop. I have the whole thing memorized, so I don't really need to pay much attention, and it gives the room a wholesome, cheery feeling to balance out the dreaded administrative tasks that I have to attend to. Ha-cha!

                                                             !

Disclaimer: The following story has nothing to do with anything, except for the fact that I was reminded of it this past weekend, and it's been floating around in my brain as of late.

Last September I visited a very small church and spoke to the congregation about my trip to Bangladesh that summer. This church had generously supported my going, and I was more than happy to fill them in on the details. The presentation went really well and after the service I took part in a pot-luck in the church basement, where I ate foods that my grandma used to make and that I hadn't eaten in years. It was wonderful.

Toward the end of the meal, a man well into his eighties named Milton (isn't that cute?) came up to me and said, "You did a great job up there...just great. I couldn't hear a dang thing you said because of my hearing aid, but you did a real great job."

I said thanks and successfully postponed my giggling for later.

Then he asked me if I was married or if I had a boyfriend. I told him that I wasn't married and wasn't dating anyone, and then I wondered if this conversation had taken a turn for the worst. :)

My fleeting fear that this eighty-something year old man was about to offer to take me for a ride round the church parking lot was quickly relieved as he went on....

"Well, some people in this church say that I'm outspoken, but I just try to help people and say what's on my mind. You did a real great job at the service today, but you're kind of like a boss, you know what I mean? And men want to be the boss. So if you want to get married, you should let them be the boss sometimes, okay?"

I said, "Okay," and Milton went on to tell me about his ability to say the alphabet backwards, how he quit going to school after 8th grade and about his adventures growing up in the country as a boy.

Now, to put this into perspective, this particular church does not allow women to teach in church or hold a position of leadership, so I was probably only one of a few women who had ever presented from the front of the church. The only reason I was allowed to present in the first place was because I was presenting as a 'missionary', and not technically teaching anybody. So, from Milton's perspective, I probably did look pretty much like a 'boss', because I was doing something that he usually only saw men doing.

I think I understood the gist of what he was saying--I think he wanted to make sure that my education and position in ministry didn't somehow make men around me feel emasculated. And I can resonate with that...too many women emasculate the men around them by way of verbal abuse, emotional control, or even abuse of 'women's rights'. I in no way want to be a part of that. I want men to feel free to be men, just like I want to be free to be a woman.

I believe that Milton wasn't suggesting that I 'bring myself down', but rather that I be intentional about letting men be men, even as I occupy positions of leadership and influence as a woman. Don't worry Milton--we're cool.

What was interesting to me, however, was how I reacted to Milton's statement. Even though I knew what he meant and could see his actual meaning through his rather clumsy presentation, I spent the better half of almost 2 days wondering if by entering into ministry I had somehow seriously jeopardized my chances of getting married. Am I intimidating? Am I too confident? Do I communicate in a masculine way? Am I not feminine enough?

It's funny, because I'm don't usually have a problem with lack of confidence. If anything, I'm a little too confident. I would never have even asked these things before, but somehow when marriage was brought into it, I'm amazed at how easily I was thrown into self-doubt. I'm also amazed at how quick I was to think of things that I could change: Should I wear more skirts? Should I teach less at IV large groups? Am I too blunt? Should I take more background responsibilities instead of up-front ones??

“Ninnymuggins!” one might shout. “That’s ridiculous!”

And it is.

But after I exhausted the list of questions to ask myself, I came to the end with a very grand realization: I would rather be single and doing God’s work, than married and not being who God made me to be.

Which sounds simple enough, unless you’re a girl and actually understand what I just said. I said that I (a female) would rather be single (as in not married) than (fill in the blank).

Most girls in their right minds don’t say that, and I certainly had never said it before. It was a watershed moment. I realized just how important my faith is to me. Just like the parable that talks about selling everything you have to buy a field with treasure in it, or like the story of the woman breaking her alabaster jar to spill onto Jesus’ feet, I realized that I was willing to give up something that was valuable to me—something so core to who I am—in order to gain that treasure that is Jesus. I surprised even myself.

Now don’t get me wrong: I would very much like to get married and have a family (don’t go writing me off yet!). And maybe it’s true that I’ve jeopardized my chances of marriage a bit. And probably in a week I’ll be very emotional and shaking my fists at God and feeling sorry for myself while watching too many chick flicks, and remembering this post feeling very sheepish indeed.

But in the end, it won’t be enough for me to buy my field back or to try to put together the pieces of my alabaster jar.

I don’t have much to give Jesus that amounts to any value. But I can give my dreams to Him—and if they are the most valuable things I possess, then I believe that He receives them with that much value. And it feels good to be able to give Jesus the very gift that He’s always wanted.

Very good indeed.

Currently Listening City on a Hill: Songs of Worship and Praise By Various Artists see related

My Home Away From Home

Wow. So I stink at this blogging on a regular basis thing.

I went to California last week. I highly recommend it. I've never been a huge, "Oh I just have to go to sunny California and get a tan" person--I like the Midwest. I'm pro-snow and changing leaves and mucho green vegetation. But I am now PRO-California. (At least, the part that I was in. Can't say much for the rest of Cali...mostly since I haven't been there. But I'm sure it's nice too.)

I was visiting my friends Darren and Ling, who are possibly the most hospitable people ever.

The weather was beautiful (60s and 70s and sunny), we ate lots of really good food (Thai, Greek, Chinese, etc.). I got to go to an IV meeting at Stanford (a lot like ours here in EC, except a LOT more diverse), and I also got to attend a seminar in the law school there. I read 2 books from the Chronicles of Narnia during the day while D and L were working/studying, I baked cookies, I reconnected with God. It was awesome.

The best part, though, was the people that I met there. I met a large handful of people, and I connected with several of them on a deeper level than should be possible in the short time that I had with them. But we had great, deep conversations, and prayer, and just strange connections that I'm sure God had arranged for us to discover. It was amazing. After I returned and filled in my supervisor on my trip, he responded, "It sounds like your love tank is full." And it is. Happy me.

Making up for lost time

So I tried blogging a couple of weeks ago, and 'it' wouldn't let me. I wondered if maybe I had been away so long that I would never be able to blog again. And then I shrugged and checked Facebook. (oooo....burn)

BUT! I found out that at least 4 people read my blog and were wondering why I hadn't blogged in a while, so I feel reinspired. Actually, it was 3 people. One person asked twice. Here is my gift to you, three people. You know who you are.

So, aside from the wonderfulness that is NSO, the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is that I got bit by something. A creepy, crawly something that was making an abode on the back of my right ear. At first, I thought it was a fly that landed on my ear, and that I had successfully shooed away. But, an hour later, when I felt another 'whisp' in the same spot, I knew something was up. I reached up behind my ear, felt a firm and alarmingly large body with legs, and frantically flung the body to the ground. It landed in grass, so I couldn't see what it actually had been. But I knew one thing. It was on my ear for an entire hour. Sick.

At first, my ear felt....well.....hot. And a little itchy. And it started to swell a little bit. My good friend Dietsche (rhymes with Teach) checked it out, and said it looked a little red (because, you see, I can't see behind my own ear). But beyond that, it looked and felt fine. So I tossed a football with Caleb, and moved on with my life.

Fast forward to later that afternoon (it was Friday, you know). I called my mom and dad to clear with the nurse and wildlife extraordinaires that I wasn't going to die of a mystery Wisconsinite insect. They both thought it was probably a spider. Gross. May I remind you....that spider was on my ear for an entire hour. Sick.

After describing my symptoms, my mom--I mean, nurse extraordinaire--said to just watch it and maybe take a Benadryl if anything got any worse. I knew it. I didn't have any Benadryl (or any other drugs for that matter....just some outdated Ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet). I could've panicked, but I didn't. I don't have drugs for a reason.....I am bigger than a spider.

I was confidant in that thinking, and did not bother to go out and buy some Benadryl, or even ask my roommate if she had some before she went to bed that night. I am, after all, bigger than that stinky spider that was on my ear for an entire hour. Sick, sick!

I was confidant, that is.....until I woke up at 2 in the morning with crazy horrible pain in the right side of my jaw and was unable to think, much less get back to sleep. After envisionining all the ways that I could possibly die of a spider bite, I forced myself out of bed, drove to Walgreens, picked up some much-needed Benadryl, talked to the pharmacist on duty (we'll call him Bill), paid the nice cashier, took an adult dosage in the parking lot, and wondered if I would make it home before the real drowsiness kicked in. I drove away thanking God that there are pharmacists on duty in the middle of the night, and contemplated sending 'Bill' a thank you card, just because his presence was as reassuring as having my nurse mom on the phone. Thanks 'Bill'--you're a hero.

I went back to my home, and sat propped up on the middle of our couch, almost drooling and fighting between the awakeness of searing jaw pain and the drowsiness of drowsifying Benadryl. Eventually, the Benadryl won (2 hours later), and I was able to get just a touch of rest.

And then a few hours later, I woke up. With a sore right ear, a very tender and still mildly painful right side of my jaw, pain down the right side of my neck, and pain in my right forearm! What the heck was this thing??? I promptly took TWO Benadryl this time (still, an adult dosage), and rediscovered the un-necessity of taking 2 of any kind of drug when you don't even use Tylenol on a regular basis. I spent the next 4-6 hours in a Benadryl-induced, now actually drooling, coma. I awoke in a dream-sequence and forced myself to do small activities, such as sit-up; move over a couch cusion; lay back down. It took me 3 hours of awake time before I even trusted myself to take a shower without injuring myself. Oh, but when I did baby--the pain was....well, just back to my jaw. Progress!

And the rest is history. The pain is getting less by the hours, though my jaw is still tender and should not be whacked at any time in the next few days. The Benadryl will probably sit in my medicine cabinet, unused again, until it expires and I throw it out. And although I can't say for sure that what bit me was a spider, I have confidance that there will be less of those beastly things around places that I frequent, mysteriously enough.

And if I ever find that spider that put me through this horrible mess, I know just what I'll do. I'll sit on HIS ear and see how he likes it.

ENFP....extrovert needs friendly people

So, I'm an extrovert, right? Yes. I am.

This month away from campus has allowed me to arrive at the conclusion, yet again, that I need a good balance of 'people time' in my days and weeks, or else I slip into small to medium-sized bouts of depression. It's an interesting thing to realize about oneself. The last week or so I've been a little more emotional, a little more ranty, and little more sorry for myself (like imagining how many kids I could have if I'd gotten married several years ago, and how old I'll be when they graduate from high school if I don't start having kids for a few years yet....or ever). This all sounds very depressing, and is a little bit....but has a lighter load to it when I realize that I'm feeling sorry for myself because I've been spending too much time alone. I may not be able to do much about having more people time right now, but at least I realize the trigger.

On the upside, I went to see Jared in Much Ado About Nothing last night (very entertaining), and I discovered that I can go and do things like that by myself. I would never prefer it that way, but I can do it. I also discovered that I laugh just as loudly when I don't know the people around me as when I am with a group of friends...that was kind of fun.

In other news, I love spring. It is by far my favorite time of the year. Lilacs, apple blossoms, mowed lawns... practically anything that causes an allergic reaction is what I love about spring (lucky for me, no allergies). Oh, and mourning doves...they're beautiful.

(insert good closing remarks here)